oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
