Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
