So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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