i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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