my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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