you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
