This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
