We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
