When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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