Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
