White coat. Heels.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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