Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
