So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
