Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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