He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
