she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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