I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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