I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
