I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
