She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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