can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
