my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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