Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
