I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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