I'm drive I can fine osifer
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
