I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
