i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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