my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
