I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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