I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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