the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
