So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
