Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
