I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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