she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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