She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
