We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
