I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
