somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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