hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
