bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
