OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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