Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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