Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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