woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
