i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love accidental penises.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i think my cat just said my name.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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