im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
