That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
