I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
