I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
