Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
