so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
