Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
