You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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