i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Randomize
