She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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