he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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