The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
