i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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