Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
there is puke in my bra ... again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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