he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
