This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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