She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
