he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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