She announced her abortion via fbk
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
