What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
