Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
