I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize