i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize