I just pynch a tree in the face
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it