so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot