Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?