just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.