She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.