I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize