we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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