It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
