As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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